We all have spiritual weakness and spiritual downfalls. If we are seeking God and obeying him, I believe that he will put us into situations where we have to either strengthen those areas of weaknesses or work on eradicating those wrong doings. Moving to Indonesia has had me working on one area of weakness, asking for help and being dependent on others. I really don't like to have to ask someone for help. In my flawed logic, asking for help means that I have failed in some way because I was not able to do it on my own. As a teacher, I have preached over and over that asking for help is not a bad thing, that it shows that you want to learn and want to do your best. However, in my own personal life, I still don't like to ask for help. I also have trouble being dependent on others. I like to know that I am able to stand on my own two feet. I also feel like I'm bothering others when I am relying on them so that I can get something done.
Indonesia has forced me into a unique combination of these two things, where not only do I have to ask people for help, but I also have to depend on them. Before I bought my scooter and learned to drive (and learned how to get a few places) I was dependent on my host family for pretty much everything. They were super great about it, but I still didn't like having to ask someone to drive me everywhere that I needed to go or to take me to the ATM, or the grocery store.
In some ways this drive for independence and my desire to not ask for help have been a good thing. It pushes me to learn quickly and to figure things out on my own. It has also given me that ability to figure things out on my own, but like anything in life, it should be a balance. Too much independence or never asking for help can lead to isolation, not do/figuring things out when I should, and sometimes just makes my life harder than it needs to be. I'm not sure that I've gotten very far on fixing my areas of weakness, but I have been made much more aware of them.
However, this is not my great Truth of the day (great to me, maybe not to any of you). At church we have been studying the book of Joshua. Today's lesson focused on the battle of Jericho (Joshua 5:13-16, 6:1-23). I've studied chapter 6 multiple times for our church youth group competitions, but I had't looked at 5:13-16 much before.
13 And it came to pass, when Joshua was by Jericho, that he lifted up his eyes and looked, and, behold, there stood a man over against him with his sword drawn in his hand: and Joshua went unto him, and said unto him, Art thou for us, or for our adversaries?
14 And he said, Nay; but as captain of the host of the Lord am I now come. And Joshua fell on his face to the earth, and did worship, and said unto him, What saith my Lord unto his servant?
15 And the captain of the Lord's host said unto Joshua, Loose thy shoe from off thy foot; for the place whereon thou standest is holy. And Joshua did so.
The imagery of these verses was what initially caught my attention. Joshua is met by a mighty man of war with a drawn sword. He asks him whose side he is on and the man tells him that he is the captain of the host of the Lord. The commander of the army of God has come to fight with the Israelite. It's a powerful image especially since we sang "Whom Shall I Fear" during worship.
"I know who goes before me
I know who stands behindThe God of angel armies
Is always by my sideThe one who reigns forever
He is a friend of mineThe God of angel armies
Is always by my side"
One of the things that was brought out during out discussion of the text, was that while Joshua asks if the man is for the Israelite or for their enemy, the man doesn't tell whose side he is on. He merely states that he is the captain of the host of the Lord. God is not on your side, he is not against you. He simply is. We are the ones that have to decide whose side we are on. Do we follow God and serve him? Or do we choose his adversary, the devil?
The other piece of insight that I've come to is perhaps the most important for me at this moment in my life. It's something that I've know for ages, but it was made fresh and new in my mind today. The will of God is not always logical. Sometimes God's path for our life makes sense, sometimes it is logical. We see that in the Bible. And then sometimes it makes no sense. None. Not one bit. The Lord told Joshua to take Jericho. Joshua probably thought that that meant a siege, some sort of attack on the walls/gates around Jericho, and a battle. However God gave him very specific directions that made no sense. "Take your mighty fighting men and have then walk around the city once for six days. Have 7 priests with rams horns and the ark march with them. On the seventh day, walk around the city 7 times then blow the trumpets and have the people shout."
The story of Jericho is one that we hear often as children in church so it's easy to take at face value, but think about what your response would be if you were going to try to capture a heavily fortified city and your commander told you to walk around the city and then shout. Humanly those actions have no power against well built walls of stone. But with God, that obedience resulted in the walls falling and the city being destroyed.
It's easy for us to look at life and think that we've got the future all figured out. We can connect the dots and make conjectures. Logically, things should follow a certain path and go a certain way. It's easy to get into that mind set and think, "Okay, surely this is God's will for my future. This makes so much sense." I was reminded today that that's not how it always works. I'm guilty sometimes of trying to make decisions on my own, going off of what I think that I've figured out (can you see my independence issues causing some problems here?). I was reminded today that I need to slow down and wait on God. I need to stop and look for the captain of the hosts so that I can get my orders. I can see a path that looks good and makes sense, but perhaps that's not the path the he would have me to take. I may be planning for a siege when all I actually need is to take a walk.
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